dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
