well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
