I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
