So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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