Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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