Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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