Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
