I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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