I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
