Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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