Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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