I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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