youre lurking in front of me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize