The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
