3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
