coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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