I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
