So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
