hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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