Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
