He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
