i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize