If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
