Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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