Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
