It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
