If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
