You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
