Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I looked at my own cervix.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
