I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He better not be in your backpack
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
