fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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