im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
