I think my vagina is haunted
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
