put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think your dad took our porno
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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