A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
