he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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