He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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