My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
