The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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