She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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