All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
