the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
