I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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