Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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