I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my liver is dry heaving
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
