I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Congratulations! We have a period
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
