I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
