the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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