So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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