I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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