forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My cat gives me a boner
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
