her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
