I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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