I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
