my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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