Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
