Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
