Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
