I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
