I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
