i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He did a backflip because drugs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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