Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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