my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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