So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
