no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
