I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize