I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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