i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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